People who forgive have a host of positive traits that benefit them in their ability to get along with others as well as their overall functioning in life.
They have a better ability to move on with life after something goes wrong, and they don't dwell on getting even by persistent rumination.
They are just a whole lot better off. If you think about it, who wouldn't be better off if they were not walking around with a lot of resentment, toxic anger or hatred, and a head full of negative thoughts over an event in the past or toward persons who hurt them?
Forgiveness is defined as "canceling a debt." In other words, justice demands that if someone does something bad to you, he/she owes you.
They should not have done whatever it was, and they must fix it or make it right. And, of course, this is true. You can literally "hold it against them," meaning you have a valid claim against her in legal parlance.
To forgive someone means they no longer owe you anything, because you have let go of that offense. Just like a bank writes off a loan and lets it go, in forgiving someone, you let go of the offense. You take it off your books and return the ledger to a 0 balance.
The significance of this relationally and emotionally is huge.
It means you have let go of the need to get even with someone and all the negative emotions that go along with that, the desire to hurt them or make them pay or feel bad, and the demand that they make it right with you.
It means, in short, that you are free.
By Dr. Cloud
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