--
RESPONSE, NOT REACTION: Don't interrupt. Listen carefully before you
respond. Don't react. Keep the discussion on the issue at hand. Agree,
before disagreements arise, that you will limit any discussion to the
present, leaving the past out of it. Limit the discussion to one issue,
refusing to allow side issues to enter in.
--
DISAGREEMENT, NOT DISAPPROVAL: Acknowledge that you understand what your
partner is saying, even though you disagree. Show him or her respect.
Don't let your disagreement of the issue sound like disapproval of your
partner.
-- THE GIFT OF EMPATHY: Make it a
point got share your feelings, but not in such a way that your partner
feels criticized. Encourage your partner to share feelings and respond
to them lovingly. Give him or her the gift of sympathy and empathy.
--
CAREFULLY CLARIFY: Carefully clarify what you're both saying so there
can be no misunderstanding. Take turns doing this, with no
interruptions.
-- TRUTHING IN LOVE: Speak the
truth in love. The original expression in the New Testament (Ephesians
4:15) is literally "truthing in love" --maintaining truth in love, both
with your speech and with your behavior. Honesty and love are needed, so
speak the truth and speak it gently.
-- SAY,
"I NEED YOU": Be willing to show your vulnerable side to your partner
(if you aren't in an abusive marriage). Real communication means
revealing yourself even at the risk of rejection. When both are willing
to do this, you can build loving closeness into your relationship.
--
SURPRISE & DISARM: Stop being defensive when the issue is a
personal one. Surprise your partner by agreeing there is wrong on your
side, since there always is (even if you don't wish to admit it). Be
specific. "I was wrong" can stop a fight, showing your partner how to
admit wrong, too.
-- APPLY THE B-E-S-T
principles in your communication. As you talk with each other, Bless
with your words; Edify (or build up) your partner by what you say and by
your interest in what your partner has to say; Share openly and
honestly; and Touch affectionately while you talk. Bless, edify, share,
and touch --communicate the BEST to your mate.
You
can reduce tensions by learning to fight the biblical way --a way that
deals constructively with anger, resentment and hurt feelings.
...........................................
We pray the above thoughts will help and bless your marriage,
Cindy and Steve Wright
P.S.
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